Oh life, you little shit you…
Text from; recent crush
Completely out of the blue, just talking, no school questions = AWESOME!
Half hour later:
Text from; old crush, that I got tired of being in the friend zone with.
Looking to me for support because of a tough assignment we have to do for tomorrow. Not work support, but emotional.
Life, are you fucking kidding me?
I know that I shouldn’t read to much into these things (pun intended) but I can’t help but laugh at the implications of it… It’s as if the universe sensed that I was looking to ignore the old one, stop trying and went “you know what, here’s some bait for you”
Well screw you life!
(seriously I can’t stop laughing)
(Source: surferdude182)
(Source: annsantos)
Pathetic
Pathetic is quite a cruel word. But right now I think it describes me quite aptly, let’s see:
- There’s actually nobody reading this, at least I assume so.
- I’m listening to Linkin Park
- I don’t deserve my friends
- I just want to be happy
- I feel so fucking terribly alone.
There’s so many more but I just can’t be bothered to continue, I feel like I’ve hit another low. I want to stop caring about some things, start caring about others. I keep thinking “I’ll be moody, just get it out of my system.” but then I begin to have a… decent day? It’s not a good day, I mean I’m still bored and pretty miserable, but I feel like I’m waiting on an edge, poised between something momentous and a general apathetic life. And I feel like I’m being held, or holding myself, on the edge, not daring to fall.
I want to fall so fucking bad right now, I want to fall in love, or have a friend there I can truly rely on. But every time I’ve had one I’ve fucked it up. I don’t know what to do any more. The internet, with a vast and incredulous spectrum of things, holds no interest. I can’t even just listen to music during breaks at school or during study periods. My fucking headphones don’t work.
It just feels like the whole damned country that I live in is that edge. I’m pretty tired right now, I could go to sleep and just drift off. But I won’t sleep, I’ve got too much work due. Gonna go try and work on it now.
“Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”
— Jonathan Safran Foer (via black-wolves)
“Tell someone that you’ve got a drink problem, or an eating disorder, or your dad died when you were a kid even, and you can almost see their eyes light up with the sheer fascinating drama and pathos of it all, because you’ve got an issue, something for them to get involved in, to talk about and analyse and discuss and maybe even cure. But tell someone you’re lonely and of course they’ll seem sympathetic, but look very carefully and you’ll see one hand snaking behind their back, groping for the door handle, ready to make a run for it, as if loneliness itself were contagious. Because being lonely is just so banal, so shaming, so plain and dull and ugly.”
— David Nicholls, Starter for Ten (via ghirahim)
(Source: lavenderbones)
101st A Dawn of a New Era!!!
Oooh, so mysterious and mystical. Of course I currently have no followers, so this is just for me… if anyone does see this, whether they come onto it by chance or I get future followers who creepily go through everything; Bah to anyone thinking I’m a moron!
So, I really, really want to leave this country. I’m so fucking tired of everyone in it, I can’t wait to get back to the U.K. and go to uni. I mean the people can be alright, like some of the time. But it’s just getting so fucking annoying when they aren’t. I mean my one best, and really only proper, friend is out of the country for some trip thing with the other guy who is kinda a friend, like only when he’s not being a mega-douche. So this weekend I’ll have fuck all to do really. The rest of my “friends” one of them I like, which is just really, really annoying… because she could not be more busy, which means I hardly see her, which us just meh because something could happen… yeah.. but anyways we don’t run in the same circle, which is another thing I hate; circles of friends, it’s fucking retarded. Anyways yeah so whenever she’s free she’s out with a load of other people.
So this basically leaves me with four other people I could hang out with. However two of them are gigantic tools, one of them is the biggest fucking moron in the world; I mean he seriously acts like it’s eight grade… “Come on, tell me! Come on! Oh my god, why are you guys having a secret conversation? Just tell me!” In a really fucking whiny voice. I can understand him wanting us to have a private conversation some other time but fuck off! If I want to talk to someone about something private, or vice versa, then it is none of your fucking business! And the last guy is like sparingly and I rarely see him, which I don’t really care about.
So yeah I have those guys this weekend, my only actual friend/crush/whatever you want to call her will be busy with either work or seeing other people. Which is just fucking great. I mean I’d even settle for the giant douche of a sort of friend… I mean he’s not too bad to hang out with, but he’s either complaining about his ex’s new boyfriend (well not new, couple of months, maybe close to like eight… definitely a year since she dumped him [my sort of friend]) and how he’s such a tool and he wants to just hit him, but then how it’s funny because he can make the boyfriend really pissed off by “subtly” putting in things that show how close he was with his now ex. He also claims to have no feelings for her now, bull-fucking-shit! And if he’s not complaining about them he’ll complain about how EVERYONE in our grade is an idiot, except of course me and like two others he considers his actual friends. But yeah he’ll bitch about them, like more than just bitching, borderline intense dislike. But the minute there’s a huge social function he’ll begin subtly pining to go, like he won’t outright say it but I can tell.
What’s more annoying is “Tell me!” guy is even fucking worse, he just straight up complains about how he can’t get to go, whilst making a big deal about how “cool everyone else thinks they are for going”, cunt.
And I know I’m not perfect but I’m really really tired of having such few friends, it’s just a fucking waste of energy to do things now. I mean I don’t think I’ve genuinely had fun in like… a month and a half.
Started playing LoL though, it’s a tonne of fun. That being said it’s quite addictive, almost like WoW. Speaking of MMORPG’s Guild Wars 2!! I completely forgot about the first one, I mean no offence to those that liked it but I thought it was a load of shit. I mean insta 20 for pvp? Come on…
And the way the world was; could only be with others if in a party, that’s so lame, that’s not MMO, that’s just RPG. That being said it was free…
But now, the second one has everything that the first lacked in, and it’s still free… It’ll be like a decently levelled WoW, with superior graphics, classes and gameplay… I’m drooling at the idea of it. Come out in July as well, just in time for me to boot camp my mac and buy a CYBORG R.A.T. 7 mouse.
…
Yes I’m a nerd and a huge dork about video games, and eventually probably computers. But I don’t care, to me it’s the most fun and I still socialise.
(Source: l-o-n-e-l-i-n-e-ss)